I love to write but the discipline of writing doesn’t come easily. The only benefit seems to be a cleaner house from all the procrastination and displacement activity. So, to strengthen the neural pathways of communication I’m sharing some thoughts on topics that draw on positive psychology and how to apply it in real life. And like a lot of us my attention span isn’t quite what it used to be, so I’m keeping it short and sweet with four thoughts on each subject. Or should that read forethought? Because forethought can facilitate growth. First up it’s resilience.
Resilience is about how we cope positively with stress and setback. To give you an example, as a freelance trainer it’s either feast or famine. I’ve never known it to be any other way. Last year I had two big pieces of work that got postponed at short notice. In both cases they went from definite dates to postponed and then silence. So how to cope psychologically with such a setback?
Forethought 1: What did I do wrong? When something like this happens, you can easily fall into the thinking trap of blaming yourself. One way to challenge the pessimistic thinking is to consider all the factors that might have been involved in the misfortune. So how might the cause of this negative event be ‘not me’? In my case one of the pieces of work was for a government agency that is frequently in the news. I could see from the headlines that it was an escalation in the crisis that they are dealing with that led to the postponement.
Forethought 2: Expectations are at the root of unhappiness. You expected something to happen and then it didn’t. The disappointment is natural and the antidote is to let go. I know it’s easier said than done to ‘surrender and release’. This is where it helps to ‘distract and distance’ so you can interrupt the rumination. Distraction could be anything – whatever switches your attention to something else. Or distance yourself from the thoughts by putting some space in. This could be physical distance – moving away from where you’re ruminating or picking a later time when you’ll give yourself permission to brood.
Forethought 3: Out of my control. The shadow side of the manifestation movement is that when something doesn’t happen according to the vision, it can lead people to beat themselves up. Did I accidentally jinx things with my anxious thoughts? Instead of getting into the cycle of self-blame, recognise what is in your control and what isn’t. Make peace with the things that are outside of your own control and direct your efforts into something that is within our control.
Forethought 4: Make something positive. Reframing is about changing the way you view the situation. So how can I take something positive from the postponement of these work streams. “Well, now I can…” What would you like to do with the gift of extra time? Or look for the lessons in what occurred. What could you do differently? Is there a pattern? How can you break it?
